i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
