Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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