I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
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drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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