we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
