dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
