ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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