My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
