I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
