I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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