4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
