cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
