At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
