someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
