i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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