i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize