its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
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Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
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Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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