so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize