You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
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My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
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Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Boobs are out for the taking
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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