Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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