So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Is Oprah even human
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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