Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
