perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
