you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
