it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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