I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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