Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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