I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
