oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
