You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
