It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
