I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
