youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
