Nicole vs. Life
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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