So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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