She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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