Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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