so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
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she peed on how many people?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
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The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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