: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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