Will you blow on my dice?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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