watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
