oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
