It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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