I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize