So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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