I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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