How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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