I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
