you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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