Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
