I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Boobs are out for the taking
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
