I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
