I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
