Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
