Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
