I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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