some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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