What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
