I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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