Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
