Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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