i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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