1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am midnight drunk by noon
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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